Three

You are good,
you are smart,
you are successful.
If I am not,
I am nothing.
I build my own worth;
I have to be the best.
No price is too high
for success.
Wrong doesn’t matter;
failure does.

How are you?
Always fine.
This smile does not touch my heart;
I do not feel the pain
leaking out of my eyes.
There are so many things to do,
no time to feel.
I don’t know what to do with them anyway.

Who are you?
I don’t know.
Parts of me belong
to everyone I’ve ever met;
I am a conglomeration,
Frankenstein’s monster.
I am unsure
what parts are still me.

I want to be known.
Will I be loved?
This mask has been in place
for so long
that I’ve forgotten
it’s not part of me;
I no longer remember
how to take it off.

I want to do this myself,
but I can’t.

Can you see the edges?
Reach out and feel—
where does true
become false?

Nothing is warmer
than a smile
after sharing your heart.
I am known,
and I am still loved.

I am slowly learning
who I am:
shaped by so many,
but still me.
I am slowly learning
to love her.
Who am I?
I’ll let you know.

It hurts
to reach out and grasp
the sharp edges of emotion
and hold them so tight
until I bleed;
I hate them
but I need to know them.
I am not always fine
and that is okay.

My worth is not
in success
or admiration
but rooted in
acceptance and love.
I can rest and know
I will be okay.
I am good,
I am worthy,
I am valuable.

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written March 12, 2019